混濁

我覺得而家的生活好似有點空虛但又好開心，有好多野想做又無咁ge 動力。好多野開左個頭又做唔到落去。點算好？我係咪經歷緊第二次青春期？

木頭

你呆呆的，就像木頭，沒多堅韌，但厚實的存在著。

不知你有沒有想有這兩年多來想起過我，我倒是不時想起你和你的小貓。在你看來我不過是不再相往來的情人，但於我而言，你卻一直佔據著我心中小小的位置。不論我有沒有別人，你還是牢牢地佔領據著這個位置。就像木頭一樣叫我搬不動；而即便我壯得能舉起你，也沒能把你從心中攆走－－就像木的根，狠狠蝕進了泥土。

而你，根本不知道我還是在意的你舉動。

你的小貓出走了。
「怎麼搞的？你都不注意看那搗蛋鬼？」我氣憤地說。
「我也不想的，在找牠了！」但是，你沒這樣說。
因為我根本沒有問你。

你找回小貓了。
「他都在哪兒躲貓貓了？」我緊張地問。
「就在公寓下的小公園！」但是，你沒這樣說。
因為我根本沒有問你。

你的咖啡店關門大吉了。
「為什麼我們常常留連的店了倒了？」我失落地問。
「因為街道被收購了。」但是，你沒這樣說。
因為我根本沒有問你。

你在鄰城要開家新的餐廳了。
「我可以來看你嗎？」
「……」你沒有吭聲。
因為我根本沒有問你。

不知由何時開始，我從抱怨被室友欺負、從強逼你稱讚我很聰明、從坐在洗手台上笑著你被我刮得血流披面，變得故作開心地安靜待在你身邊，假裝一切還是原好無缺的。

終於，一天，我們不在說話了。你有新愛人了。你的新餐廳開了。你的新餐廳，也叫木。就像你。就像你一樣堅厚又叫人想依賴。

「你還好嗎？」我小心翼翼的問。
你還是沒有回答。
因為，我還是沒有勇氣問你。怕的是，像木頭的你只靜靜地瞅我一眼，接著，如同陌路，就像我沒來過、也沒去過。

Pandan Cake

I think one of the biggest blessings of living in Utah is to be able to meet people from all around the world. My best friends when I first got here were Mongolian, ABC and Singaporean. It's interesting to learn about their cultures, what they eat, what they wear, and how they think. It's also a great opportunity to learn to cook their cuisines!!!! Authentic Mongolian food, authentic Singaporean food, authentic Korean food, authentic Japanese food... (my roommates are Korean and Japanese)

Recently I was really interested in pandan cake. My Singaporean/ Malaysian friends love this little green cake. It tastes like paper-wrapped cake but with a scent of Pandan, a Southeast Asian spice kind of thing. Felix's roommate is Malaysian and he bought me a box of Pandan cake mix (two boxes actually). Haha! I wouldn't say it's extremely tasty - just like paper-wrapped cake, you wouldn't say it's very yummy but it is my childhood memory - I guess Pandan cake is some also childhood memory for most southeast Asians. I would recommend trying it.

I don't remember if this one is the best one (they look the same... but just try it.)

http://www.tokorijssen.nl/images/detailed/0/Pandan_Chiffon.jpg

And this is how it looks like:

Yum yum yum. Do you cook often? I guess food is cheap in Beijing.

搬家

我係北京無乜食叉燒呀，見到啲樣就覺得唔對路，噢撈。

早一兩個月Jannis就同我講話，不如我完左呢邊嘅program就搬去德國同佢住。我既心情十分之複雜：一開始好thrilled，跟住就開始考慮好多嘢：我去到讀master定做嘢？如果德國分司唔請我點算？如果無university收我又點算？我啲德文咁水皮去到會唔會死？我呀媽會唔會感慨女大不中留？N個factors，好糾結。不過拋開呢啲現實問題，你問我想唔想去？好想。就算我唔係同佢一齊，我本身就算想歐洲做嘢架啦，咁有個人陪都幾好丫。

同埋佢講左段嘢都幾感人：「你會唔會覺得我好自私要你搬過你而唔係我搬過去？其實我去邊都無所謂，不過德國讀master免tuition，所以我先希望喺度讀咋。如果你可以過黎，我promise我去第一個long haul flight會係去香港架！完左master，我地再揀去第二度住，好唔好？」
雖然我本身都無覺得佢「好自私」，但係佢真係幾considerate，令我第一次覺得有個男仔都幾識step into my shoes去考慮我嘅concerns。

所以我諗，我會努力解決所有嘅問題，比心機啲做野impress my boss，下年報多啲果邊既uni，同埋同屋企人透露下我嘅感情生活……哈哈。因為有陣時覺得有些人係值得嘅。如果我都可以好似你咁幸福就好啦嘻嘻。

當然，就算fail左，我都唔會後悔努力過嘅。我覺得我都幾廿歲人啦，都明白感情事唔係depends on對象only，而係自己嘅efforts，或者係兩個人共同嘅efforts。我諗你都明我講乜架啦準新娘！

叉燒 cha siu

我而家上緊堂，後面個肥仔真係好煩，不停講野望左幾次都唔停，後尾仲唱歌！係auditorium上堂，有二百幾個人，好多人都望過黎，以為係我講野就死。我已經唔識finance架喇，俾佢係咁煩更加乜都load唔到，真係好想打佢。我都唔想咁粗俗，不過真係生舊叉燒都好過佢 － 起碼唔會係咁煩人。

講起叉燒 ，我前兩日買左d肉返黎整左叉燒瀨。我其實真係好鐘意食美心快餐ge叉燒瀨，上次返香港只係食左一次，真係唔夠。見近排有時間就整黎食下，令自己開心下。

整叉燒我用左Christine recipe 同埋撈左d麥芽糖漿，出黎效果都唔錯。

食譜係呢度：http://www.christinesrecipes.com/2008/06/diy-bbq-pork.html

我用左麥芽糖，麥糖，黃糖加水代替佢入面ge蜜糖。用水坐溶麥芽糖之後加水，黃糖同黃糖就得喇。你係北京都應該食唔少喇！


呢碗就係成品：

Dear Alice,

I just had a quick glance at your recipe and looks very decent, I see you are getting more independent now. When I was in South Africa I made Korean beef resembling this, you might want to try too! The sauce consists of soy sauce, apple cider, onions, apple, kiwi fruits, sounds fruity no? Noomnom.

Recently I have watched the Xmas popular love story of Alex and Rosie. It reminded me much of One Day especially the British accent and way people grow apart. It is mysterious how the most ordinary, every day life stories fascinate me. I could not help but read the novel consisting of 430 pages of letters and notes. When I closed the book(well, actually it's pdf on my cell, but who afford books nowadays?!), I have not been more grateful to have what I possess now. Everything DOES happen for a reason, but it DOESN'T mean it is 'meant to be' that sort of crap. We have earned it. We have all these in the expense of something else. And if we do not put our mind on something we could not expect it flies through the window and lands on our hand.

Funny isn't it? One colleague of mine are used to complaining people dislike her. She deserves it. She never gives a helping hand, she slides away the responsibility on her shoulders, and above all, she stinks (okay, I am a little dramatic but why on earth would a hotel staff stinky?! Unbelievable, I constantly wanna punch her for slap her or at least trip her). I reluctantly took her as my premiere trainee, which is a torture to me.

When we grow, we thought we would be such a different person in a few years - maturer, more serious, having different preference... Perhaps not quite. All we want, or, all I want remain the some lot of things. I still wanna run a hotel( just like Rosie!), a man being my family and my bestie, a travelling lifestyle. I feel like, at some point, we stop changing but keep growing and breathing. For me, I feel fortunate and satisfied that I have on the right path on my career hopefully, and I am pleased to have my boyfriend and my family. I know you are equally (more more!) happy to have the people around you, bet you will get teary on your wedding, shame that I could not attend ( Apologies again). Haha we are the same girls as a few years ago. Words cannot express my happiness for you Alice, I see you have been so happy so far. (btw I bet Jannis and Felix would get along so well I don't know who is more humorous).

Anyway, this is a beautiful life story that I guess you would be interested in. Have a look when you're bored. As for the film adaptation, Sam Claflin is cute, I could not see any flaws...

Take care my old friend!

Bisous,
K.